The NEWS section is still under construction, folks. So enjoy this crap for now:

FRIDAY AUGUST 27th 2004
ALMOST EXACTLY TWO YEARS TO THE DAY!
WHAT DAY, WE HEAR SOME PLUCKY LASS IN THE BACK SHOUT OUT. WHY, THE DAY WE HELD A PARTY WHERE EVERYTHING, (and we do mean everything) WAS RED.

ACK. THE HALCYON DAYS OF '02. AggrEschen WAS STILL LIVING AT no. 58 IN LAMBERTVILLE. LOCH NESS WAS TOILING ON THE MEAN STREETS OF PHILADELPHIA. AS DID DJRKO. AN EX-CITY GARDENS BARTENDER TAUGHT US ALL HOW TO LAUGH AT THE INCREASINGLY HORRIFIC NEWS COMING OUT OF WASHINGTON, D.C.. WE STILL BELIEVED THERE WAS A CHANCE THAT WMD'S EXISTED...WELL, TRUTHFULLY, MOST OF THE REDROVER STAFF DIDN'T EVER BUY THAT STORY, BUT, UH, WE DIGRESS...

YES. THOSE WERE BLEAK TIMES. EACH WEEKEND, THE CRACK TEAM AT REDROVER WONDERED WHY-OH-WHY WASN'T THERE A PLACE THAT PLAYED NELLY AS WELL AS THE VIOLENT FEMMES? A PLACE WHERE YOU MIGHT HEAR THE CLASH JAMMED UP ALONG SIDE WREXX 'N EFFECT; A PLACE WHERE THE SHOTS WERE PINK AND THE DRESS CODE SAID "SHABBY CHIC". IN SHORT, A PLACE FOR ALL THE GEOFF LOVESTONES, DEXY MIDNIGHTS AND CRASH CARTERS TO GO AND FEEL "ALL RIGHT".

SO WE DID IT. AT 58 S. MAIN. GROUND ZERO. AND THEN WE SAID, "WE SHOULD REALLY DO THIS AT SOMEONE ELSE'S PLACE SO WE DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP."

AND THEN JEN LET US DO ONE AT JOHN & PETER'S. AND IT WENT PRETTY OKAY. AND THEN WE DID MORE. AND NOW WE ARE TWO YEARS OLD. A TODDLER BY HUMAN STANDARDS. A HORMONAL TEENAGER IN CAT YEARS. AND WE OWE IT ALL TOO YOU.

REDROVER-STILL WALKING LIKE BO DIDDLEY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
REDROVER-BE THERE AND BE SQUARE
REDROVER-WHO'S THAT PLAYING THE GUITAR?
redrover: we thought that the Major was a Lady Suffragette
YOU: Does this mean I have to bring presents and shit?
US: What kind of pathetic baboons do you take us for? We do not want presents! Just the pleasure of your company! (Why...Did you get us something shiny?)
REDROVER-WE'RE A VEILED THREAT
redrover: you are the quarry
RedroveR- we're the "cuddly" anarchists.
redrover: you are the quarry
redrover: we feel confused and violated
You: So I have to wear a Robot Costume?
Us: Only if you wish to avoid the shame of paying 5.00 at the door.
You: Well, I'd like to...But what if I came as a SpaceMan/Woman?
Us: (brief pause) That is acceptable.
You: I love you, and want to have your children.
Us: Can't. This unit has ceased reproductive functions.
You: Oh. Darn.
RedRover-You Can Come As You Are, But You'll Have To Pay A Cover.
RedRover-Space Is The Place
RedRover-Look out For The B-B-B-Bugman
RedRover-We Take Them On, On Our Own.
redrover: share and enjoy
RedRobot-It's Gonna Be Shiny
RedRobot-It's Gonna Be "Very Metal"
RedRobot-It's Gonna Be The Make-Out Party To End All Make-Out Parties
RedRobot-It's Got To Be Jazz...That's What She Wants
You: Golly, this sounds complicated. Do I have to come dressed like Robby The Robot?
Us: You don't have to, but it would be undeniably cool if you did. Ms Loch Ness is getting dressed up in slinkys, and DJ AggrEschen is going as Robot Smith.
You: Robot Smith? Like The Matrix guys?
Us: er, no...More like the lead singer of the Cure...If he were a robot? Get it? Oh, well...
Kling Klong.
You: Hey...Isn't that the anniversary of Kurt Cobain topping himself?
Us: Uh...Yeah. Somewhere around there, at least.
You: Oh. So you're probably gonna play a lot of Nirvana and Grunge, right? Right?
US: Err...I dunno...I mean, it's kind of a...That is, er, uh...
You: Wait a minute! Am I talking to Michael Stipe???
Us: Um, uh...I really think that...Um, Kurt was a really...uh...You know...
You: IT IS!!! Oh WOW!!!
RedRover Presents RED ROBOT. 04/09/04. KlingKlang.
redrover: spare us the cutter
redrover: giving it to em where they need it most
REDROVER & VALENTINE'S DAY-PERFECT TOGETHER LIKE SEX AND CHOCOLATE
REDROVER & VALENTINE'S DAY-WE ARE THE BLACKLIGHT IN A GOTH GIRL'S SOUL
REDROVER & VALENTINE'S DAY-IT COULD ALL GO SO, SO WRONG...
redrover: have it before it has you
RedRover: Painting Our Nails Red To Hide The Bloodstains
RedRover: One Step Beyond
RedRover: We're Only In It For The Monkey

you: What"s a "junto"?
us: Look it up.
redrover: we're on a mission from Dog

RedRover-Comforting the Afflicted and Afflicting the Comfortable for over a year now.
RedRover-Loves To Love You. Baby.
RedRover-We Break Limbs.
redrover: we've got the 21st century breathing down our neck
You: Isn't this kind of a 1-Year anniversary for RedRover?
Us: Well, sort of. Technicallly the 1st anniversary was in September.
You: Oh. So no bellydancers...?
Us: Err...No. Not as of this moment.
You: I see.
Us: But, there will be a ceremony honoring two Very Special People, and...and...They MAY do a bellydance!
You: It's just not the same.
RedRover-We Eat To The Beat

RedRover-We Are Going To Party Like It's Nineteen Ninety Never

RedRover-We Resolved Our Issues A Long Time Ago

"Bela Lugosi's not Dead, He's just resting his eyes"
RedRover: Working Hard For You So You Don't Have To For Over A Year Now.

redrover: heaving great gusts of spinst

Beter Red Than Undead

redrover: we walk the Line
redrover:like a velvet glove encased in iron
If you aren't there, you'll hate yourself even worse in the morning.

Us: I can't believe that the "Kindergarten Cop" is running for Governor.
You: I can't believe DJ AggrEschen will be wearing swim trunks
Us: Neither can we. We even offered him money to reconsider, but...
redrover: like the Miss America Pageant crossed with a biker gang beating